Spectrum Or Rainbow…


I might listen to an audiobook 10, 20, or even 30 times. That’s no exaggeration.

There are times when I’ll cup my hands, place them over my dog’s head, then ask him a question and hope for an answer – telepathically. I’ve actually done that, though he’s never given me any response other than a quizzical look.

I recall and remember clearly, many conversations I’ve had on the school bus, at the swimming pool of my youth, or on dates I had when I was 16 — and I recycle those conversations in my head repeatedly.

Walking in nature each day, as birds, squirrels, and rabbits cross my path, I might say good morning to them, and introduce myself…

“Hello, Mr. Rabbit! I’m Roy, and this is my dog, Stroodle. We live just off Main Street. God bless you, and have a good day…!” I actually do that.

Surfing at SanO one day a few years ago, as I was sitting outside the lineup watching other surfers and dolphins fare much better than I was that day, caught myself repeating a name over and over again — Alex Cora. I have no idea why I was doing it, but I just kept saying audibly Alex Cora… Alex Cora… Alex Cora… over and over again. Wasn’t much of a Dodgers fan and I think he is a crappy analyst, but for some reason that day I just kept repeating his name.

At moments like these – those times when I’m queuing up a book for the 30th time, talking to a passing bird, or inexplicably repeating the same word over and over, I wonder where I am on the spectrum.

Maybe it’s more a rainbow than a spectrum – just a happy place where I need to be to keep my sanity. Or more succinctly, perhaps being a little crazy keeps me sane. Maybe. Others though, who I see with similar quirks as my own, have one thing in common — a diagnosis.

That’s a heavy confession for an April Fool’s week, but it’s no joke. I don’t see too much wrong with any of my quirks and idiosyncrasies, but because there are so many of them and they sort of form the core of my personality, I often wonder if I live with an undiagnosed form of autism, Asperger’s, or just a new kind of crazy altogether, that hasn’t yet been discovered.

Perhaps I am need of a kind of therapy which hasn’t been invented yet. Maybe.

Maybe I’m just another eccentric though, in a town full of eccentrics. I dunno.

By the way, I’m not looking for any feedback here. Just sharing my thoughts at 6:00am —my compulsion to wake early, to write, and to share. Quirks, oddities, colors of the spectrum. No, colors of the rainbow… Jhciacb

If you have not already, please scroll up and subscribe to this blog. Please check back in a couple weeks see what happens when I push the STOP  button on the blender in my head. Oh, and there’s this from The Kills. Enjoy…!

8 responses

  1. When it comes to these kind of diagnoses, perhaps an important factor is are they egosyntonic or egodystonic. If they are egodystonic, they will bother you. If egosyntonic, you will have to ask those around you if they bother them. Stroodle, I imagine, is to invested and kind to be cruel.

  2. Stay true to your colors of the rainbow and keep being your eccentric self. You got me at hello,and I get you. All of your unique quirks and oddities. Keep up your best Dr. Doolittle and keep talking to the animals. You’ll stay tuned in to what matters.

    • Thanks, Brian. I know your family has Danny to contend with and to oversee, so I don’t want this post to seem glib. But there’s times, and I know you know this, that I truly wonder where I am. As always, thanks for your insight, and thanks for knowing me and liking me anyway…

  3. I think a little bit of crazy to keep yourself sane is more than ok. Just do you – why question it too deeply every day? Perhaps just do it on the weekdays and keep the weekends free for walks and bike riding? 😉

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