Beth Rosen’s Right Breast…

Beth Rosen was the curvy Jewish girl who was seated in front of me during home room in the 9th grade.

It was the first hour of the first day of my short-lived high school career.

I had been attracted to Beth since halfway through the 5th grade. However, as was typical with awkward Jewish boys, I kept my feelings inward.

The manufacturers of Q-Tip swabs had recently switched from the white paper bodies between the swab ends, to hollow blue plastic bodies. I had learned from Steve Yates over the summer that this change in Q-Tip design would revolutionize spit-wads.

– Cut the Q-Tip in half and expose the hollow plastic body
– Take one half of the Q-Tip and fill it with glue
– Into the glue filled section, back in a sewing needle about half the length of the needle itself
– Let dry
– Insert newly made blow dart, ehr, spit-wad into a straw
– Aim
– Fire

And with such a blow dart, ehr, spit-wad, I would attempt to overcome my shyness with Beth Rosen.

Just 45 minutes into my high school career, I shot Beth Rosen in the right breast with a makeshift blow dart. I finally got her attention.

As a business man, my father was often out of town Monday-Friday. On that, my first day of high school though, he made sure he was in town, to pick me up and drill me, ehr, quiz me about my first day.


Lost Jilgeuros Preserve.  Fallbrook, CA 1/4/17

I’m sure my father wasn’t expecting a call at 9:45am that morning to pick me up and take me home. After a trip to the Deans office, I was assigned a 2-day suspension – my first 2 days of high school.

My father arrived promptly. It was a long ride home.

I was telling this story to a friend yesterday, and though her eyes got quite large as I disclosed the events of that day in 1976, her eyes got even larger when I told her I had dozens more stories – just like this one, and that some of them even involved, oh, what’s the term…? Squad cars. Yes, squad cars.

Shortly thereafter, I released myself from high school on my own recognizance. It was just better this way. Beth Rosen and I would become friends, but never dated. Must have been something I said – or did… Jhciacb


If you are not already a subscriber, please scroll up and do so.  Tell your friends about me — about what happens when I push the STOP button on the blender in my head. Oh, and there’s this from The Avett Brothers.  Enjoy…

9 responses

  1. HaHa! That’s a great story, and loved the music choice!!

    Yeah, your stories always bring back memories for me, and thanks for that. I sat behind a girl in 6th grade that I had a huge crush on. I put her initials with tape on my leather jacket one day and wore it to school. “You have really embarrassed me,” was all she said, and actually, those were the only words she ever said to me! I’d like to see her at a class reunion some day and ask her, how do you like me now, lol

  2. Harsh treatment for a mere spitwad. Unless of course it somehow stuck, and you tried to retrieve it…

    But I assume we have been told all the pertinent details.

  3. In the words of Mitsu, God Breast Beff where ever she is. Oh man I’ve heard many of your stories, but not this one. The life of Roy amazes me….:

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