Memory Shot…


I have been hiking Monserate hill for 16 years.  I have seen it on days scorched and scarred under the strain of the summer sun.  I have also seen it on days when the sky, the clouds, and the colors of the hill and the colors on the hill contrast sharply, yet blend so brilliantly that I can’t imagine a more beautiful place.

When the whites, grays, and blues of the sky give texture to, and light up the colors of the growth, there are few places I would rather be.  On average though, the view from the top, even an ordinary day, still helps squelch the demons in my head.


As the hill looks differently on different days, the way my body responds to the hill’s demands can also vary.  There are good days, when I feel strong getting to the top, and I feel like I own the hill.  There are also those not-so-good days, when the legs get heavy, my heart pounds, and my lungs burn to the point of wanting to stop.  On average though, even the days when it’s painful getting to the top, the fact the I got there, soothes my mood.

Crux Of Joy…

Rare is the day though, when a beautiful day and a strong outing intersect.  That happened today.  The look of the landscape and the trip to the top were each as good as good gets.  That they intersected on the same day was glorious.

I woke this day ready to blow my brains out, and I’m sorry the that scares or offends anyone.  I have allowed myself to get too caught up in the nonsense of the world these past few weeks.  By mid-day, and with the aid of a few cancellations, I knew I needed to take a dose of serotonin.

Though I often take my phone to this hill to check-in and post pictures on social media, today I left my phone behind – and had the best outing I have ever had, both aesthetically and physically.  By the time I reached the top, I was 3 complete universes away from presidential politics, trivial conversations turned toxic, and the caustic sounds of the motorcycles and meth heads on Main Street.

That I didn’t have my phone to take pictures or record my time made today this trip up that much sweeter.  I have no doubt this was my fastest outing in 16 years.  If there has been a more beautiful day of skies and new spring growth, I have never seen it.  Today was glorious, even if it couldn’t be quantified with pictures and a clock.  It was one of the best moments of my life in recent years.  It’s why Al Gore invented to word, stoke.

The only record of – the only truth that will ever be known about today’s outing will be  these words, perhaps to be read 10,000 years from now when some cyber-archeologist unearths my Facebook remains.  For me though, today was a memory shot – a moment in time that I will remember for the rest of my life.


Tomorrow all the joy I feel right now might bled from my veins before my coffee cools, and that’s okay, that’s how life is.  I always get through those difficult times when the weight of my depression seems insurmountable, because I always remember that it always passes – always.  I hope you can cling to that too.  Be well…  rc


This is begins a new phase for me, and with this platform.   Though I will continue writing essays as time permits, I intend to post more frequently and with more varied musings on a variety of topics.

If you are not already a subscriber, please scroll up and do so.  Tell your friends about me — about what happens when I push the STOP button on the blender in my head.  Oh, and there’s this from Coconut Records.  Enjoy…

8 responses

  1. Your climb reminds me of my flying. The unaware might think it’s always the same, the sky. Nothing could be further from the truth.

    One of the healthier realizations that I’ve ever made, as I’m pretty mercurial, is that bad moods or perspectives always pass, and that helps me pass through them.

    • Yup, always. Every sky is different. No two clouds, right…? Shadows, textures, and horizons shift. Sometimes slightly, other times profoundly. If we’re not looking, we won’t see it..

  2. Love that you couldn’t capture this best day with anything but your mind. It’s your mind you will inevitably come back to in order to remind you of the good stuff life has to offer. Instagram and FB can’t do that I’ve found.

    • Thanks, Heidi! I have found great please more in taking and posting pictures of my walks in nature. I’m sue they jam your feed and I’m sorry for that. It’s become a healthy and even necessary release for me.

      It’s also become just as healthy and just as necessary to take those walks without the phone and camera.

  3. Most days, I wake up the same way. Some days, I go to bed that way, too. But the sometimes subtle and sometimes blatant changes during the day keep life just interesting enough.
    Thank you for sharing your thoughts and trip up the hill.
    Peace, yo.

  4. I felt such a sense of well being when I lived right at Moonlight Beach: daily walks up to StoneSteps and on other day down to Swami;s- there was always the challenge of the steps up the cliff for both destinations. The ocean and bird sounds, the cliffs have stayed in place with my core-when there, i have the same calm realm, Though I m bigger than I was then, no when I do the same walk, the cliffs are still tall, and I feel their looming permanence;. again I am young, and free, and calm.
    I managed to go throughout my work world without a mobile phone ( I was given special dispensation I guess}. The absence of that ‘ ball and chain’ phone allowed me to continue my life…I felt that the unfolding of being mindful in the present, was a daily
    cost I was not willing to pay. As a retired person, my son decided that I must have an I-phone: great for emergencies, last minute stuff, many other convenient things, but I am putting down the phone, except for the aforementioned areas. Like your, Roy, I too seek a more contemplative life,: nature gives it, and in my case, social media steals it away.

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