In Theory…


My Three Theories

I call it Rachel Theory, and I began developing it in the 8th grade.  Simply put, Rachel Theory suggests that there’s no such thing as an ugly Rachel.  I’m 50 years old and to this day I have yet to lay eyes on a Rachel who isn’t beautiful, or at least pretty.  I have not completed my work on this area yet, and likely will not have a conclusion until I draw my final breath.  So far though, my work on Rachel Theory seems solid.

Kitten Theory.  Kitten Theory is more complicated.  I suggest that if I engage in conversation with a woman I have not previously met, and within the initial moments of the conversation I flippantly refer to her as, Kitten, I will win her favor immediately.  I know this is counterintuitive, but it works.   The woman in question realizes that pronouncement is over the top and tries to be offended by it, but she just can’t be.  She’s arrested by the immediacy of it.  Add to that, who doesn’t love to look at, hold kittens, and appreciate the cuteness of a kitten…?   In an instant she will be associating herself with soft fuzzy cuteness.  From there, I will simply be my charming self and all will be good.  Again, my work here is not complete, but thus far Kitten Theory has yielded good results.

My favorite self-derived theory though, is Chili Theory.  Like Rachel Theory, Chili Theory is simple; there’s no such thing as bad chili, only different levels of good.  Of the healthy items I produce on a regular basis, my chili most resembles jazz or the blues.  Every single performance is different, and improvisation is the key.  So far, Chili Theory is holding up well.  The next bad batch of chili I make will be my first.

Constantly Testing The Theory

I make a pot of chili every other Tuesday.  Always slow cooked in a Crock Pot, always more meat than beans, and after my first taste it always makes me shout the word, Grrrdiggity.  Not a real word.  The music of my chili is classified in the genre of healthy eating – sometimes jazz based, sometimes blues based, but always organic in arrangement and unique.  I’m the producer, and I select the session players, but for the most part, I just assemble them and allow them to just do their thing.  One Crock Pot of chili kept in the refrigerator will supply a daily dose of taste bud music for about two weeks.

I made a simple pot of chili this week because I had little to work with in the ways of players and production time.  Still, this week’s chili has become an instant hit for me.  I’ve don’t offer recipes on this platform because that’s not what this fitness blog is about.  However, this week I’m going to share the chili that is currently climbing the charts and will likely end up in my chili hall of fame.  Like the music of Seasick Steve, it comes from simple stuff.

The Players

  • Two bounds of grass fed, steroid and antibiotic free ground beef
  • Twelve roasted chipotle chilies
  • Two cans of diced green chilies (normally I use fresh but limited time this week)
  • One can of black beans rinsed in a colander
  • One can of cannellini beans rinsed in a colander
  • Ten vine ripened tomatoes sliced in fourths
  • One white onion finely diced
  • Unidentified secret spices; you can choose your own (hint: one of them rhymes with rinnamon)

The Arrangement And The Playbacks

Put all the players in the Crock Pot, turn the volume to high, walk away and enjoy the scent of the concert.  Smell the music for about 8 hours or so and occasionally offer some production by stirring the players up – they love that.  This music will give to the nose first, but on completion, 4 large tablespoons at a time, this music will give to the taste buds every day for up to two weeks.

How is it, you ask, that just four tablespoons of chili are able to sustain one as a meal…?  Out there as this may sound, I serve it to myself over piles of steamed vegetables.  Usually over steamed broccoli, sometimes steamed Brussels sprouts, or steamed zucchini – occasionally a blend of all of the aforementioned.  Chili over vegetables you ask…?  Yes!

Okay, here’s the punch line; I eat this for breakfast.  Yes I, Roy Jhciacb Cohen, have eaten chili over steamed vegetables for breakfast nearly every day for two months.  What a great way to start the day; a right mix of protein, carbohydrate, and vegetables.  A breakfast without veggies is like a song without a bass – pointless.  My morning chili over veggies sustains me for hours.

Sometimes it’s a beef based chili.  Other times it’s turkey, chicken, or even bison which provide the back beat.  For time’s sake, the meat I use is usualy ground.  When time permits, I prefer it shredded or in chunks.  The session players change from week to week, and no two sessions are ever the same.  Next week, it’s going to be ground lamb and garbanzo beans, some Bearss limes fresh off the tree, and whoever else shoes up for the jam.   But it’s not jam, it’s chili – breakfast chili.  Be well.  rc

Please check back in two weeks to see what comes out when I push the “stop” button on the blender inside my head.  Oh, and there is this from Seasick Steve.  From such simple ingrediants…  Enjoy!

14 responses

  1. Roy, my friend, if you hadn’t saved yourself by printing your chili recipe I may have written you off completely after reading the “kitten” theory. Seriously, you can’t really believe that any woman isn’t internally rolling her eyes when called kitten.

    • Eyes rolling Karen….? I suppose it depends on whether she’s a kitten or a cat. Funny, when I write stuff like that I always wonder what you will think. True. You, and Diane…

  2. Ummmmmmm, chili – toot toot toot! My bod can’t handle the beans! 😉 Too lazy to go thru that whole procedure they say to do to eliminate that! Although my tooting will make me run faster! 😉 Sounds good though!

    As for Kitten – I will leave my thoughts on that non written! 😉

    Rachel, my mom’s name so liking that! 🙂

    PS: Had to sign in to FB to comment. This not just being able to comment on certain blogs is driving me crazier than I am! 😉

  3. Sorry for the blogging issues Jody. I always forward them to WordPress and they always reply with a, “we’ll look into it…”

    RE Kitten Theory, it’s more in humor than anything, but it has worked a time or too.

    Curious, chili notwithstanding, do you ever veggies in the morning….?

  4. I have never known a Rachel!! That probably explains many of my romantic frustrations! I’ve probably longed for a Rachel across a room, but never got her name, let alone her phone number.

    Maybe not calling her Kitten was my failing.

    As for the chili, alas, like all the Rachels, that was in a former life, lol!

  5. I love chili!!!

    I do eat veggies for breakfast a lot. One of my favorite things is scrambled eggs with sauteed onions and pepper slices on the side! Yum. Or tomato slices drizzled in olive oil…

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