He’s Not Fat…


 

Generally I don’t do the guest post thing because, when it comes to the philosophy behind the fitness, I think my opinion matters more than anyone else’s.  That’s true by the way. 

That said, my tease for an upcoming column on male body image is this heart-felt and thought provoking post from a young man who I have never met – but a man I can relate to quite well. 

I will have my next column up Friday, October 29th. In the mean time, there is this from Matt:

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I’m not FAT…

How many of us have struggled with their weight at one point or another? I’m pretty confident in saying about 90% of the US population critiques the way their body looks no matter how “attractive” they may be. We live in a time it’s become more important to get your muscles big,stomachs flat and our skin as brown as possible. Personally, I find this a little disturbing. We quote “The Situation” more than Voltair, Plato, Davinci, Einstein or any other of our worlds incredible minds. There’s an infinite amount of information at our fingertips and yet as a whole society it seems as though we are more ignorant than ever, so whats the excuse? Obesity is a serious issue within our country and it is NOT because we are all lazy. There are so many other factors that play into this epidemic that it is wrong to put all the blame on people who fight this daily battle, and putting us down is not right or ok. I AM NOT FAT!           

 

All my life I’ve heard that stupid word. Fatty,fatass, fat fuck and every other possible combination of the word FAT. Look up FAT in the dictionary and you certainly will not see my picture or anyone elses for that matter. Fat is tissue, I do HAVE too much fat on my body but that is NOT who or what I am. I struggle with this on a daily basis. Avoiding contact with mirrors, tugging at my clothes and then being mad at myself for even feeling that way. I’m a MAN I shouldnt care and be confident regardless. It’s a little tough to do that when all I see are images of how I SHOULD look and what girls look for. Kinda sad right? I’m a good person, I’m smart,funny, caring, sweet, passionate and the list could go on and on about my good personality traits (please, I’m not being arrogant) but in my mind the only thing I can focus on is how I lack in the physical appearence part of who I am. There is so much turmoil within me that sometimes I just wish I could turn my brain off for a bit. I’ve been on both sides of this spectrum and I really dont know where to go from here…

Today, I weigh between 263-268 depending on the time of day. I’ve made a pact with a very important person in my life to lose 15 lbs by Halloween while she loses 10. I’ve made the personal decision to do this again. I’ve been down this road before a few years ago. I weigh 330+ and one morning just made the choice to change my life. over the next year and a half to 2 years I lost 117 lbs. Girls were flocking to me because I was ripped and cocky. I got laid a lot (sorry ma), had lots of dates, and girls always calling me…but I hated who I had to be to get that attention. I LOVED working out for hours and twice a day sometimes. I was addicted to eating right and scultping my body, but missed being the “nice guy”. Then I met Jenn. She is my most recent Ex gf and probably the one who saved me from being just ANOTHER guy. She reminded me what was important inlife and it wasnt how I looked, it was Family. Friends,cousins, or even strangers on the street can become your family and make you feel accepted. And for this I am so thankful to her. This lesson came at the loss of my hard work. I regained half of what I lost over our relationship partly because of her as well. I hate puting blame on others for things that I ultimately control, but it is what it is. She made me feel guilty for going to the gym, eating healthy when she wasn’t and then when I did gain weight she made little comments about it. She isnt a bad person and none of this was with malitious intent, she has her own personal demons she was dealing with and I have no ill feelings toward her. In fact I still love her very very much. We both realized we had things within ourselves that we needed to work on before we could truly make each other happy so we have avoided trying again, but I digress. She gave me the gift of Fatherhood. Although it was only for 18 months, I grew to love her son as if he were my own. He was my motivation for everything, but she took him from me with her own selfish actions. That love for him had awoken a new part of me I didnt even know existed and has forever changed me.

Now, I’m afraid to get lost in the Gym again. I’m afraid to lose the weight and get my body back to where I had it because I dont want to lose who I am again..I try to talk to my friends about all of this but none of them really understand because they’ve never been the fat kid. So where I go from here? I’m tired of being FAT. I can see it in peoples eyes, the lack of attention I get paid or even invites from my friends to party. My name is Matt and I deserve to be treated better. I also deserve to FEEL better about myself. Unfortunetly, this is the hardest part because it isnt exactly something I can do alone. I’m not good at asking for help either. It’s Go time and I am going to get back into the shape I used to be. Not for attention, not because society says I should, but because it makes ME happy. If anyone reads this or decides to follow my blog I will be posting more often and I ask of you PLEASE help me along my journey.

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I will be back Friday, October 29th with my own thoughts on body image.  Please check back then.
 
Oh, and there is this from Canada’s, Red Umbrella.  My daughter introduced me to them several years ago, and I can not say enough good things about this band and their lyrics.  Red Umbrella…
 

17 responses

  1. Matt, don’t do anything rash like go back to the gym. Can’t we talk about it, preferably over a few twinkies? I will buy. And what’s this shit “My name is Matt and I deserve to be treated better.” If I may interrupt your little pity party, this attitude of yours grants external people far too much power in your life. Oh, if I was skinny everybody would like me…think again, Matt. You better get comfortable with yourself – other people will eventually come along if you actually have something to offer them as a human being. Think about your kid and stop bloviating. Be the kind of man he will want to respect.

  2. Yeah I’ll get right on that.

    Try reading beyonf the Words. And I know you didnt because based on your response you formed your opinion before finishing because you would of noticed he isnt MY son. He was hers.

    Thanks for taking the time to post your negative reinforcement. 🙂

  3. “when it comes to the philosophy behind the fitness, I think my opinion matters more than anyone else’s…”

    THIS is one of the reasons I love you Roy. You keep it real. And it is true. 🙂

    Okay, in regards to the guest column. First of all, making a pact with someone to lose weight while seemingly like a great thing, won’t get you to where you need or ultimately want to be. Purely my opinion from my personal experience.

    YOU have to want this. All of the lays, girlfriends, family members and new sons will not motivate you to do this for life.

    That’s what you need to do. Get motivated for LIFE because that is what is on the line, your life!

    I don’t have the answer for you on how you can make that choice to do this for real this time – as it’s different for everyone.

    But, I will let you in on a secret. The reason why The Situation is so relevant in our 10 minute microwave society is that he’s got some hot ass abs.

    Don’t strive to be The Situation. Just strive to be a better, more healthy you. AND WANT IT FOR YOU.

  4. I agree with Bobbie in the fact it is different for everyone..this is a personal journey..And Matt gave a big clue here! BEYOND THE WORDS! Roy said it to…HEARTFELT…Sometimes in this life, Keeping it real is looking into your heart..Following it..and just the rules and the what everyone else is doing. Yes! The situation may have HOT ABS..but that is just an appearance that some of us deem important. If we truly want to help the kids and fight obesity..we HAVE to go beyond the words and the appearances, the labels, and the numbers. We need to see people as people!
    ..Yes, you have to want it for yourself, not for anyone else, but it is a lonely journey and after years and years and years of bullying, teasing, and being viewed for just your body..it is damn hard to go to the gym or work out that hard to once again be viewed for your body…
    WE ARE NOT OUR BODIES! That is the point that I get from this post and that is why I FOLLOW Roy..Not because of his body, or his appearance or his expertise in the gym…I follow Roy because is OPINION is important..JUST LIKE EVERY SINGLE one of us! If you want to change the obesity problem viewed it for what it is ….it goes beyond the outside appearances!

  5. wow. I’m so glad that you posted this Roy.

    I never really knew that men struggled with body image stuff. I always thought it was much more prominent in women. I was just having a conversation with someone about this yesterday and two women said to me “oooohhhh, you’d be surprised!” Then, this post.

    I can really relate to Matt and am really glad he writes straight from the heart.

    As one who used to have a great figure and get into a lot of trouble, the last paragraph *really* strikes a chord with me. “I’m afraid to lose the weight and get my body back….” yikes

    Anxious to read your post Friday, and thanks for introducing us to his blog.

  6. I’m curious why Matt felt that he had to be someone else when he lost the weight. Perhaps, and I may be way off base here, but could women have flocked to him because he felt good about his accomplishment, enough that he was comfortable letting other people see all of his great qualities beyond the way he looked on the outside? Women may be attracted to a man initially by good looks, but most of us won’t stay if that is all there is.

  7. I was cocky, arrogant, and didnt treat women the way I would normally. I soaked up too much of what people were telling me and became a douche bag. And women flocked to it. Yet, every night after they left I hated myself for not being myself. I dont know if that makes sense

    • Matt-The difference between you and other men is that you learned from your mistake and don’t intend to repeat it. Frankly, I’m thinking that the women that would flock to the old Matt probably have pretty low self-esteem if they were willing to be treated poorly. You deserve better than that.

      Best of luck.

  8. Roy, yes your opinion matters but not as much as mine! 😉 Love ya!

    I read this somewhere else & can’t remember where & made a comment there…. but, this whole Situation & all the other crap out there.. to me, what are we turning into! Reward for bad behavior

    Matt, you can do this!

  9. Really good comments so far — mostly. Thanks Matt for taking the time to reply back. I will just sit back and read as they come in.

    Bobbie: Trust me, the shirt covers my ab well. Yes, singular.

    Jody: It’s a good thing we have a common opinion on just about everything fitness related 🙂

  10. Hi Matt!

    I’m a surgeon, which in medical circles means that I don’t know anything but I do a lot 🙂 Which I suppose is my bottom line for you. You can waste your time over thinking all this fat person stuff, or you can do the hard work that you will need to do to not be obese. You dug a hole for yourself when you first became obese. Studies show that once very obese, it becomes harder to become normal weight again. The successful people, and there are 1000’s who have been successful, must be careful with how they eat and do plenty of exercise. Once you have stabilized at your normal weight for a while it will get easier, but that is well down the path. Everything about each of us makes up who we are, the good and the bad. I hope you are able to be alright, it’s a journey we all share. You are welcome to read my blog about health and fitness if you are interested. I wish you well.

  11. Well, at the end of the day it is all within you. Or no, at the beginning of the day… We will always have external forces competing for our attention, for good & bad reasons. We will always have to make choices that are in conflict with what the external forces may prefer. If we do not know what we want, and why, we more often that we should give our attention and decisions to the externals forces and leave ourselves the secondary concern. To me, that is wrong. Sure, friends and family are important; very important. But their importance should not be greater that the importance we place upon ourselves. If we aren’t happy, they we aren’t able to give as much as we can to others. If we limit ours capabilities, we limit what we can offer others. We have to come first, and those who are our friends, family, will respect that if they love us and want the best for us.

  12. There were so many things I thought I wanted to say and then I realized that felt confused by your post. And maybe it is because you seem to be confused also. You seemed to have liked yourself when you were heavy but felt people didn’t like you. Then you lost weight and thought people liked you more but you did not like yourself.
    I am wondering, and guessing since I really don’t know you if this isn’t more about your self image than weight.
    Good luck on your journey. Hope you will find a happy medium between your confident, assertive you and a nice thoughtful guy you seem to be.

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