I feel compelled to share something with you that you might find alarming. If that statement alone concerns you, then please read no further. You see, many days of my life I wake up and must decide whether to put a toothbrush in my mouth, or a revolver. This has been a choice I have faced on awakening on many occasions since my teens. Since I don’t own a revolver, and possess an obvious genetic predisposition toward dirty teeth, and that I still see so much beauty and so many possibilities in the frame of a day, toothbrush always wins.
- A voice for my generation…
I work hard, very hard, at reminding myself of all the reasons why toothbrush should win – and it should. No, I’m not suicidal, just more honest about a taboo subject than most; depression, and the thoughts depression fosters in the lonely cave of an active consciousness. I do understand why people do it though – why people choose to end their lives. I understand better though, why people don’t do it – why we shouldn’t do it. This understanding is getting easier with age – the understanding of why people choose not to kill themselves. The anniversary next month of this sad loss will be a reminder to me, of why a beautiful mind should prioritize, and strive to fulfill it’s possibilities and potential.
David Foster Wallace was a person I admired, and even sought to be more like. His writing style, thought process, flippant attitude in the public eye, and express honesty in speaking, all captivated me. Though I never read Infinite Jest, I absorbed his essays and short stories. To me, he remains more relevant to my generation than Kurt Cobain or Tupac. I learned only after his death, that he and I had a common antagonist; the relentless clashing of thoughts in the blender of our heads which comes from cyclical depression.
Exercise, rigorous exercise, has been my medication in dealing with (my) depression for some time now. Exercise works, and it’s how I cope – how I deal with life’s challenges, and the puppets of another ilk perpetrating lesser thoughts in my head. There are a lot of reasons to exercise; looking good, keeping blood pressure down, staving off the loss of bone density, improving balance and flexibility, increasing every day strength, and so-on. Tonight though, I reflect on the most important reason (for me) to exercise – it keeps me stable.
- One cure for that which ails me…
Increasingly, physicians, psychiatrists, and psychologists are recommending exercise for persons who live with depression, as well as other mood related disorders. In some instances, exercise can help minimize or even eliminate the need for medication – this to be the judgment and the discretion of the treating authority. A dose of exercise goes to work quickly and has few side affects – its good stuff. Rigorous exercise can make a difference and how one may receive a moment and a circumstance – or not. Exercise, for many, can also pave the road for a new day tomorrow. Be well. rc
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