The face of my dime is more western in nature; action in exchange for immediate gratification. Exercise which takes place with purpose, in whatever form, is often intense, present daily, and representative of a very specific value-set. This value-set perceives exercise as a vehicle which should enhance my quality of existence, and maximizes my now. To better understand this mind-set, one need only consider my friend Debbie who, at 57, just won a triathlon – again. Her physical contemporaries are 20 years younger. Her chronological contemporaries have prescriptions to be picked up. The face of this dime is etched with the silhouette of achievement.
What lies between the two sides of the dime, is the tight space where I lay in my bed of discomfort each night, crying myself to sleep in the emotional chaos of coveting both sides of the dime. In appreciating the aspects and value of each side, I have tried to negotiate between the two sides for several years now. The differences, as described above, can be thought of as comparable to those differences between eastern and western thought.
It occurs to me now, in this cathartic moment, I can just as easily suggest that the face of this dime represents my years up to age 50. The tail of the dime represents my years left to come, post-50, however many there may be. Perhaps that is why this narrow space where I live, between the two sides of the dime, has been so chaotic for me. I stand on the edge of 50, having lived as a young man – surrounded daily by life in a western world. As I prepare to step over the line of 50, imploring an increasingly eastern set of values inside, I am that much more confused, though at least I am aware.
There is no real moral here, no point to be made for the reader, scarcely a lesson to be learned. Just the observation of a boy and his weights, hailing from the west – growing into a man and his walks and postures, attempting to settle his soul in the east, and trying to figure it all out.
I suppose if there could be one lesson learned here it is this; that either side of the coin is actually quite peaceful. It is in attempting to live between the two sides when chaos is created. But isn’t that one of the great lessons in life?
Wow, where was I and what might I have been doing the day that lesson was taught? Oh yes, I believe I was in the gym. Be well.