Toxicity, people, and how I cope: The nutshell version…


Every morning I wake up and allow myself to be punched right in my psyche, hit by the negativity of some people in my online community.  Not only do I allow this, I set myself up for it.  With each fresh morning I open my 17” LCD window to the world, and allow myself be soiled by people I call friend.

Soon after, I begin asking myself, why do I do this…?  Why do I grant access into my consciousness, to toxic personalities pushing such heavy loads…?  It can sadden me, depress me, influence the direction of my day, and can change my perspective of life – all by 6:00 a.m.  Still, I do it day after day.

Gasses spew, but I am prepared...

Gasses spew, but I am prepared…

I know who I am.  I know who I wish to be.  I try to be who I really am as often as I can, though many times throughout the day I ignore my compass and allow myself to drift.  I find myself led off course by my own fears, and by the influence I allow others to have over those fears.  I work hard though, to stay centered and on track, and I guess I do a fair job of it.

When I attempt to answer my own question, about why I allow the negativity of others into my life, and why I keep those people there, the answers are complicated.  I guess I see it this way:  That the universe has brought those people into my life to begin with, and there is no denying they exist within my life, so they must be there for a reason(s).

They become my external friend first, but in time can become my internal enemy – but that’s on me, not on them.  I do little to dissuade their toxicity and negative energy.  I simply ignore it, and store it.  I do very little online arguing since I have seen nothing good ever come of this.  I have my opinions, others have theirs.

I ask myself: Are these people in my life to test me, to teach me, to hurt me, or to offend me…?  Not sure.  Mostly I think they are in my life to ground me – to remind me of who I am, who I am not, and who I might turn out to be, relative of course, to who I hope to turn out to be.

I think people who exhibit single-mindedness, who spew hatred, who can argue without ever listening, and who use social media as their outlet are speaking from a place of fragility and fear so deep that they themselves may not even know it’s there.  In that sense I feel for them – that they are so damaged they may not even know they are damaged, or why.  At least I know where my damage comes from.

I try hard not to judge people for these behaviors, as I hope I am not judged by others for the simple act of being myself.

At the end of the day I believe in an absolute universal oneness.  I genuinely believe that we are all interconnected — that everyone else is me, and I am them.  Maybe not in this life, but in the life next door, in the life down the road, or in the life I will live three lives from now.

I take it all with a grain.  I meditate to keep myself centered.  I exercise to keep my head clear.  I write to honor my creative gift.  I also listen without judgment because the voice coming my way might be my own voice someday, or may have already been.  Wishing you peace this day…  rc

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Please check back in two weeks to see what happens when I push the “stop” button on the blender in my head.
Oh, and there is this by Sweden’s Hellsingland Underground.    Enjoy…

2 responses

  1. Why did I not see this post? Stumbled on it today, and sorry I hadn’t noticed it before. It was hiding between two other great posts. Maybe you should advertise it so more readers see it?

    Toxic people. What an important topic. They can be your friends, or they can be a family member.

    As with any other difficulty in life this is how I approach them: if I can avoid them, I will, but if I can’t, I will try and learn from it. There was a person who, without knowing, taught me all I needed to know about what NOT to do in interpersonal relationships. I’m a better person because of her.

    I believe that toxic people were not born like that: they were exposed to something toxic, and internalized it. I also believe that the are mostly toxic to themselves. And yes, we are all interrelated. So much more than we think.

    A colleague recently said about an individual whose behavior is highly questionable: “I remind myself that I did nothing to make him that way. He is that way, period.”

    • Thanks Julie. I wrote this a long time ago. I kept the comments closed. I had a recent Facebook moment so I decided to redate/repost so that is why it’s showing up now.

      For 3000 years (until the revolution) the first sentence every Chinese child was taught to write is,

      “By nature, all man is good”.

      It is the world, and not the soul that makes them toxic. I believe that, but it doesn’t necessarily give me hope…

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